Signing Your Sanity Away
by sistokid
Summary: SLASH. It was BTR's first signing, and their first encounter with less-sane fans. But little did they know, those fans would have them questioning everything. Kames and Cargan. Oneshot.


**So I've had this hanging around for awhile, and I figured I'd put it here. It's one of the many scrap stories I don't entirely dislike. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush or the characters.**

**Warnings: Maybe a bit of swearing, but nothing much. Probably.**

**Reviews: Are appreciated, but whatever if you don't feel like giving them. I'll live. Although it'd be lovely to know what you thought.**

**Also, _for the picture on the shirt in the story_, go to fuckyeahcargan [DOT] tumblr [DOT] com/post/3508471352/penalicious-why-did-i-make-this-i-dont-know-i If that doesn't work [you need to take out the [DOT] parts and put periods there], then just go to fuckyeahcargan [DOT] tumblr [DOT] com. It's the icon in the upper left hand corner. And yes, it is photoshopped. But I love it, and that's how this story was born.**

**So yeah.**

**Well. **

**Begin reading and junk.**

James grinned as he signed another CD, handing it to the adorable little girl before him. "Here you go, sweetie," he said kindly, beaming as the girl's face absolutely lit up at her prize.

"I love you, James!" she squealed, still grinning back at him lovingly as her mother towed her away. James settled back into his chair, waiting for the next fan in line.

Big Time Rush was doing their very first CD signing, because Griffin realized that he could sell CD's at the entrance, charge the fans for tickets to the event, and boost B.T.R.'s publicity by a notable amount. And so, the four boys were each seated in uncomfortable plastic chairs at a very long table, armed with fresh Sharpies and prepared for a day of adoring fans. So far, it hadn't been too bad. Only about thirty fans (mostly girls, with a few boys who flushed and winked when they got their autographs) had scooted down the table, pressing their CD or an occasional poster into the band members' hands and waiting excitedly for the signature. And so far, James had been enjoying himself. He glanced over at Kendall, who was sitting to his right, and found that the beanie-clad boy was listening to some scrawny teenage girl babble on about how they were totally gonna get married. Kendall somehow managed to smile throughout the girl's speech, although James suspected that it was because he was trying not to laugh.

To his left, Logan was letting some twenty-year-old girl with a few extra pounds on her take his picture. Carlos was next to Logan, and was pointing and laughing at the awkward smile he was giving the camera.

All in all, not a bad way to spend his Saturday. Although, he hadn't really seen any girls who caught his appeal yet. Mind you, events like this were horrible places to look for genuine relationships; all of the girls here only loved him because of his band. They didn't really know _him_, however much they insisted that they did. But James didn't mind. He wasn't really interested in a relationship right now, anyway. A serious relationship would be _so_ much effort, especially with Gustavo, practice, school, recording, and of course, his three best friends. Life was crazy enough as it was, thank you very much.

Speaking of crazy, Kendall's 'future wife' was currently bounding over to him, practically shoving her CD in his face.

"I love you James," she informed him eagerly, and James was just about ready to smile back and return the sentiment, when he caught sight of her shirt. And he stared.

"Um. That... your shirt..." he said slowly, pointing down at the image on the clearly handmade t-shirt. The girl glanced down, beaming proudly.

"Yep. Do you like it?"

"Uh..."

On her shirt was a very large picture of Carlos and Logan. But... it _had_ to be photoshopped, right? There was no way that was a real picture.

It was just a headshot of the two, both wearing suits and dark sunglasses, but it was definitely his best friends. They were facing each other, leaning forward, and…

They were kissing.

"I made this shirt myself. I would totally have one of you and Kendall, but I couldn't find a picture online like this. And I support Cargan, too, anyway, so it's still good!" she rambled eagerly.

"Cargan?" James asked weakly, still staring at the picture.

"Oh, that's the romantic pairing of Carlos and Logan," she explained. Logan's head snapped towards her suddenly.

"_What_?" Logan squeaked, unintentionally gaining Carlos's attention as well.

The girl sighed dreamily. "I _love_ Cargan. But Kames is my absolute favorite. After myself and Kendall, that is," she added, as if it was obvious. Logan had scrambled out of his chair and came to stand next to James, staring at the girl for a moment before taking in her shirt. Carlos, now curious, made his way over to Logan's side to see what the fuss was about. As soon as he pinpointed the problem, he gaped.

"Wh… what's Kames?" James asked, completely fearing the answer. The girl's smile widened, if that was even possible.

"That's the romantic pairing of you and Kendall, silly," she answered fondly. After a few minutes of the three boys awkwardly staring at her shirt, she reached over and tapped the CD James was still clutching. "Can you sign that? I really wanna get everyone's signature before I leave." James snapped out of his daze, nodding shakily before scribbling down the autograph he could do in his sleep. Without another word, he stuffed it into Logan's hand and heaved him back towards his seat, forcing Carlos along in the process.

James took a deep breath, hoping that the girl was the only crazy one he encountered for the day.

Half an hour later, God decided that watching James suffer was fun.

"You guys let us take pictures of you, right?" a girl asked hopefully. Kendall nodded.

"Sure."

She glanced between him and the tall brunette in the next seat over. "Can I have one of you and James?" Kendall nodded, chucking his Sharpie cap at the boy seated next to him to gain his attention.

"C'mere for a picture," he explained when James raised an eyebrow at him. The other boy nodded, scooting his chair loudly over so he was even closer to Kendall, not even flinching when the blonde threw his arm over him. Both smiled widely, waiting for the girl to take the picture.

But she didn't. Instead of holding up the camera, she was looking at them thoughtfully. "Actually, can you guys get a little closer?" James glanced at Kendall briefly, but obliged and slipped the edge of his hip onto the edge of Kendall's chair. Their thighs and ribs were completely pressed together. Once more, they took deep breaths and grinned, waiting for a flash. "Actually… can you look at each other?"

James leaned away from Kendall, shooting the girl an incredulous stare. "You want us to look at each other? Why?"

The girl, who looked to be only fourteen, frowned. "It would make such a cute picture!" she whined, shoving out her bottom lip. Kendall groaned mentally.

"Fine," he said, doing his best to sound cheery. "Let's take the picture, okay?" He reached over blindly and tugged James close, waiting until he moved back over before looking at the brunette and smiling.

There was very little distance between their faces. And even though it wasn't that awkward, considering the four boys didn't know the meaning of _personal space_ around each other, it was still really weird that this girl wanted a picture of it.

But a flash went off, and she lowered her camera, thanking them profusely before grabbing her poster and moving down the table. James peeled away from Kendall sharing a look with the blonde that clearly said _these people are crazy_. But they picked up their Sharpies and pasted on bright smiles and got back to work. Thankfully, the rest of their fans only asked for individual photos and autographs.

* * *

><p>The same couldn't be said for Logan.<p>

"Just one little peck on the forehead?" a girl begged, trying out her best puppy dog face. Logan was sitting there, arms crossed over his chest. Carlos sat beside him, arm thrown loosely over the paler boy's shoulders, only half paying attention because another fan was trying to tell him what she loved about every single song on Big Time Rush's album.

"I'm not kissing anyone. Look, we don't mind taking a picture for you. We can even take one _with_ you, if you'd like," he offered, because wasn't that enough? But the girl shook her head.

"No. Can you please? Just one photo and I won't even put it on the internet!" Technically, they were supposed to appease their fans to the best of their abilities, but this was just ridiculous.

"Sorry, but I am not kissing Carlos."

"It's not a kiss!" she pressed. "Just put your mouth-"

"That's a _kiss_."

"-On his forehead!"

"I'm not kissing him!" Logan snapped. James, Kendall, the two bodyguards, and a few nearby fans looked over at him in surprise. He took a deep breath and regained his composure. "I'm sorry. If you'd like a picture, please feel free to take one of us as we are. But I'm not posing in a way that I'm not comfortable with."

And then the girl started crying.

Luckily, the security guards nearby stepped in, wrapping large hands around the sobbing girl's arms and gently leading her away.

Logan shook his head slowly, greeting the next fan and feeling very relieved when she only wanted an autograph.

He calmed down a little more when Carlos leaned over, giving him a sideways hug and whispered in his ear a teasing jab about blowing up at their fans. Logan merely grinned over at him, and thankfully, the remainder of their fans didn't have any odd requests.

Three hours later, the boys were lounging in the living room of 2J, sprawled out over the couch and the floor. Luckily for them, after the t-shirt girl and the camera girls, no other weirdos had come along. Granted, a few girls and three boys proposed to various Big Time Rush members, but that was completely tolerable.

Logan was flipping his phone around in his fingers nervously. Carlos glanced over at him and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"So... um... I looked up Cargan," Logan said quietly, immediately gaining the attention of his three friends.

"What?"

"Why would you do that?"

"What did you find?" The last question came from Carlos, and Logan quirked an eyebrow at him. Carlos flushed and looked away. "I was just curious," he muttered.

"Um, I wanted to find out where that girl got the picture on her shirt. You know, the one of me and Carlos... um..."

"You mean that's a real picture?" James demanded. Logan's eyes widened in horror.

"No! No, no, no… god no. That's why I wanted to know where she got it. I knew Carlos and I have never had a picture taken of us kissing," he said determinedly.

Kendall shot him a curious glance. "Are you implying that you and Carlos have kissed before, but just never gotten a picture of it?" Logan, who was on the floor, reached up to where Kendall was seated on the couch and swatted at his head.

"No, stupid! Carlos and I _never kissed_, which is why I wanted to know how she got a picture of us kissing!"

"Oh," Kendall said simply, but something about his smirk made Logan think he didn't believe him.

"Come to think of it, why weren't you staring at the picture on her shirt like the rest of us?" James asked suddenly. Kendall grinned.

"I saw it when she first asked me to sign her CD. I thought it was hysterical," he admitted, laughing when Carlos got up from the floor and socked him in the shoulder.

"It was not funny!" the shortest boy said viciously. "What if people think it's a real photo?"

"I think it's a real photo," Kendall teased. "I bet you and Logan are having a secret relationship behind our backs," he joked, throwing a friendly arm over James's shoulders.

"You're a moron," Logan growled.

"Wow, way to not deny my accusation there, Logan," Kendall pointed out cheerfully, not noticing how Carlos was eyeing the arm he put around James.

"I-I... I didn't think I'd _have_ to! You know Carlos and I aren't dating!"

Carlos leaned forward and flicked Kendall's arm, catching his attention. "What about you two?" he asked accusingly. "You guys are pretty touchy-feely," he pointed out, indicating Kendall's arm. The blonde immediately retracted the limb, flushing a little.

"We're friends! Friends touch each other!" Logan and Carlos giggled. "Not in _that_ way, perverts!"

"Oh, but you guys are _Kames_, remember? There's an entire hoard of people out there who are convinced that you two are in love," Logan goaded, settling back on his palms, crossing his ankles in front of himself comfortably.

"Yeah, well you're Cargan! And _your_ hoard of people already has a picture of you kissing!" Logan and Carlos both turned bright pink at James's statement. Carlos crossed his arms, puffing out his cheeks angrily.

"Well, _your_ hoard is more justifiable!" he argued, proud of himself for using a big word correctly. James spluttered.

"What? How?"

"Well, you look pretty gay, James," Carlos said flatly.

There was a tense moment of utter silence before Logan and Kendall burst out laughing, James still gaping blankly at the short Latino.

"Oh my g- the _look _on your face, James," Kendall choked out, clutching at his splitting sides as he rolled around the couch. James snapped a burning glare to the blonde before pouncing on Carlos, slamming him to the ground with his full weight. Carlos's back hit the floor with a painful _thunk_, and Logan and Kendall immediately stopped laughing as James shook Carlos's shoulders, making his head jerk back and forth.

"I _do not look gay_!" he seethed, gripping Carlos's shoulders tighter. In an instant, Logan rocketed from his spot on the floor towards James, heaving him off of Carlos roughly.

"What the hell, James?" Logan asked loudly, bending down to see if Carlos was all right. Besides being in slight shock, the Latino seemed fine. But just to make sure he didn't suffer from whiplash, Logan began gently kneading at the small boy's shoulders, neck, and the base of his skull. Carlos's shock melted into comfort when he registered the mini massage currently being given to him. Once Logan felt satisfied that Carlos was okay, he removed his prodding fingers and sat back, smiling slightly at his best friend.

James was still sitting where he landed after Logan shoved him away, sneering at his three band mates angrily. "I can't believe you. You're just as bad as those stupid fangirls," he muttered, pushing himself roughly to his feet. Kendall stood, walking over to help James up, but the brunette shoved the helping hands away. "Don't touch me!" He stepped dramatically away from Kendall, not feeling bad at all when the blonde's face fell. "You laughed, too! You _laughed_ at me," he said miserably, voice cracking slightly. Kendall immediately felt a sickening wave of guilt, and reached out to wrap his arms around James. The brunette tried to wiggle away, but Kendall held on stubbornly. "No, _let go_!" James demanded weakly, slowly giving up and collapsing into Kendall's arms. "You _laughed_, Kendall. Do you know how much I _hate_ the way I look sometimes?" he mumbled quietly, slightly muffled by Kendall's shoulder. Logan and Carlos exchanged surprised glances. "I mean, I'm told I'm beautiful a lot, but I _know_, okay? I know I... I'm not extraordinarily masculine, and I _hate_ it. No one believes me when I say I'm not gay. And you _laughed at me_, Kendall," he added again, stumbling over his words and trembling a little as a few tears slipped down his cheeks. Kendall hugged him tighter, pressing the slightly taller boy's face into his shoulder and running his hand through the soft brown hair.

"James, I'm sorry, I didn't know... I had no idea you felt like that," Kendall apologized. "I mean, you've always been so confident with the way you look, and people _do_ always tell you that you're beautiful, so I never... I swear, I never would've laughed if I knew it bothered you that much." He shot the other two boys a helpless look, and Carlos opened his mouth to add something but Logan quickly clapped a hand over it, silencing the tan boy effectively. As quietly as he could, he hauled himself and Carlos up, and backed them out of the room, giving the other two a little bit of privacy. Logan pulled Carlos into the first room with a door, which happened to be the bathroom.

"Logan, what are you doing?" Carlos hissed as soon as the other boy shut the door quietly behind them. "I was gonna apologize! It was my fault, anyway," he added softly, looking down at his feet. Logan sighed.

"Yeah, it was." He ignored Carlos's flat glare. "But... Carlos, weren't you listening to James at all?"

"Of course I was. He was mad because of me, after all."

"No, I mean, were you listening to what he was saying?" Carlos gave him a 'WTF' look. Logan rolled his eyes, wondering if there'd be a day he _didn't_ have to explain things to someone. "Yeah, he was mad, but he was more hurt than anything."

"Yeah, I got that. I'm not a _complete_ moron," Carlos muttered, turning slightly away from Logan. Sometimes, the way the smarter boy underestimated him ticked him off.

"That's not what I meant. James was hurt, but he was hurt because Kendall laughed at him."

"I _know_, Logan. He said it, like, three times."

"Oh my god, do I really have to explain it?" Carlos shot him a withering glare, and Logan winced. Maybe he wasn't the only one who was sick of him having to explain everything. "Carlos, he was hurt because _Kendall_ laughed at him."

"You just said that."

"I think... I think James has feelings for Kendall." Logan fidgeted with his fingernails awkwardly as Carlos took the next two minutes to stare at him. Eventually, the Latino moved, and wound up backing himself up into the sink, staring at Logan with wide eyes.

"You think_ what_?"

"Think about it!" Logan pleaded, still not gaining an understanding look from his friend. "I mean, when James was ranting about why he was upset, he kept saying how Kendall laughed at him! Carlos, I laughed too, and you're the one who made the comment in the first place. But the part that hurt him the most was when _Kendall_ laughed."

Carlos stared at him blankly. "Those girls got to you, didn't they?"

"What- no! I'm serious! I think James has a thing for Kendall!"

Carlos rolled his eyes, pushing himself up to sit on the edge of the sink, swinging his feet back and forth a little. "You're crazy."

* * *

><p>"James, please stop crying. I'm good at comforting people, but I really kind of used up all of my feel-good phrases already," Kendall pleaded, still awkwardly hugging the sobbing boy. But James just kept on crying, and Kendall sighed nervously. He had been telling the truth; he ran out of things to say two minutes ago, and James seemed to be nowhere near stopping. "Come on, James," he said, releasing the hug a bit. He had intended to bring James to the couch, so at least they could hug out his tears in comfort. But James mistakenly thought that Kendall was simply pulling away from the hug completely. Which did absolutely nothing to help his misery. He jerked away fully, a foot out of Kendall's reach, and wrapped his arms protectively around himself, hunching away from the other boy. "Wait, James-"<p>

"Just leave me alone!"

"Yeah, okay, except I'm not going to do that," Kendall replied stubbornly, walking over to stand in front of the brunette. But James whirled away furiously, and continued to do so as Kendall scooted around him helplessly, trying and failing to get the boy to face him. "Okay, _seriously_, James? This is ridiculous," he muttered after about four full circles around the other boy.

"Then go away!"

"James… James- oh _for god's sake_," Kendall snapped, grabbing the brunette by the shoulders and forcefully spinning him around so they were finally face-to-face. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed. But you're taking this thing way too seriously. I mean, okay, maybe you don't have the most masculine face ever-"

"If I couldn't grow facial hair, I'd look like a girl!"

"But," Kendall plowed on, ignoring James's interruption, "thousands of girls out there are set on marrying you. Do you think they think you're gay?" James slowly shook his head, still looking down at the floor sadly. Kendall reached out and rubbed at one of his shoulders comfortingly, hoping that the boy would start the process of cheering up soon. But after a few moments, James opened and closed his mouth a few times, finally muttering something so quietly that Kendall couldn't hear him. "What? I can't hear you, James."

"I… I said… um, what if… and this is just… what if I felt kind of… uh… _gay_… sometimes?" Kendall stared blankly at him, not understanding. "Like, what if I felt like maybe, a _part_ of me- a really, really, _really_ tiny part- matched how I look?"

"I… I don't know what you're getting at. Are you telling me you think you're actually gay?"

"No! I mean," James stammered quickly, eyes darting between Kendall's confused stare and the floor. "Sometimes, I get this tiny feeling inside me, about this one, um, guy… and I think I like him? Like, in the way I like girls. And I… um, it's only this one guy… well, maybe there were like, _two_ before him- but I'm over them now!"

"James, what the hell are you trying to say?" Kendall asked slowly, lifting his other hand so he gripped both of James's shoulders firmly. James squeezed his eyes shut, wrapping his arms tighter around himself nervously.

"IthinkIlikeyoualittle."

Nothing was said for a while, and James bit back more tears as he realized that, obviously, Kendall had heard him even though it had been complete gibberish, and he was probably completely freaked out. Without waiting for a response, James wrenched himself out of Kendall's grasp, having to choke back a sob when Kendall let go way too easily. He turned and quickly scampered into his and Carlos's bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind him securely. Kendall stared at the spot James had just occupied, taking a full three minutes to shake himself out of his shock.

"Oh, crap," he mumbled when the full impact of the situation hit him. He tripped over to the couch, knees giving out and falling face first into the cushions. James liked him. James _liked_ him. _James_ liked _him_.

He groaned loudly into the pillow when he realized that the fangirls may have been more right than he realized.

* * *

><p>"You never told us what you found earlier," Carlos spoke up suddenly. He and Logan, after having a ten minute long debate of whether James liked Kendall or not, had been sitting in stubborn silence, pouting at each other and refusing to give in to the other's argument. But the stalemate dissolved in an instant when Carlos finally broke the tension, and Logan peered up from where he was sitting on the closed toilet seat curiously.<p>

"What I found?"

"Yeah, remember? You said that you looked up Cargan on the internet," Carlos reminded him, only flushing slightly at the C-word. Logan looked away for a second, clearing his throat awkwardly.

"Oh. Um. Right," he began, a little unsure. Before it had just been something he blurted, because he only sort of wanted to discuss the topic with his three friends as a group. But he really didn't want to talk about it with _just Carlos_, because… it was about them falsely being madly in love with each other. Awkward. "Well, I, uh, I typed it into Google, and a lot of the results were completely irrelevant. But, um, there was this one site, and it had tons of pictures and miniature video clips of you and me. And, um, I guess when fans put all of our pictures and stuff together on one page… it kind of looks like we're together a lot," he finished lamely, avoiding eye contact in favor of running his finger tip along the rim of the toilet seat lid. Carlos scrunched his nose.

"Well, that's stupid. Of course we're together a lot. We're in a band! And we recently started up shows and signings and stuff, so there's gonna be tons of photos of us! But there's gotta be pictures of the other guys with us, too," he reasoned, looking hopefully at Logan.

"Well, yeah, but… Carlos, there's a picture of us _kissing_."

Carlos wiggled uncomfortably on the sink edge. "Well, _yeah_, but it's fake, right?" Suddenly, he looked horrified. "Wait, it _is _fake, right? Oh my g- did we kiss and I don't remember it?" he demanded, looking absolutely stricken. Logan shook his head rapidly, eyes wide.

"No! Of course not. It was photoshopped from a different picture," he explained, frowning a little as Carlos's entire form sagged with relief. "Wait… would it really be that bad to kiss me?" Logan asked suddenly, causing Carlos's head to snap towards him in surprise. "I mean… not that I…" He groaned, covering his face with his hands tiredly. "Not that I _want_ to kiss you, but am I really that much of a loser?"

"Um…"

"Wow, thank you, Carlos."

"No, I didn't mean it like that!" Carlos said quickly, scooting himself off of the sink and kneeling in front of Logan, trying to pry his hands off of his face. "Logan… oh, come _on_, look at me! You're not a loser, okay? You're in a famous band, you're super smart, and you've kissed girls before! You're not a loser," Carlos said sincerely, still trying to tug Logan's hands away.

All at once, Logan flung his hands off of his face, sitting up straight and scowling down at the other boy. "Don't, okay? I get it; I'm a loser, and you and the other guys are really cool."

"Logan, that's not-"

"No, it_ is_ true! I mean, you're this goofy, funny guy who has guts and does daring things and has no fear, and that's _awesome_. You're just so…" Logan trailed off, gesturing sporadically to all of Carlos, looking utterly defeated.

"Logan…"

"And me…" Logan began, picking at his cardigan buttons sadly. "I'm just this weird nerd who's afraid of everything and always ruins everyone's fun ideas. The only thing I'm good at is homework. And…" He gripped the knees of his grey jeans tightly, knuckles turning white. Carlos felt so bad as he saw the distraught look take over his friend's face. "And not even one of my best friends thinks I'm cool enough to kiss," he finished quietly, closing his eyes and biting at his lower lip dejectedly. Carlos, acting on pure instinct (well, ninety-percent instinct, ten-percent something he couldn't identify), carefully planted his hands on the toilet lit on either side of Logan's hips and leaned forward slowly. He only hesitated for a split second, but rash decisions were his specialty, so without another thought, he surged forward and kissed his best friend softly.

He refused to think about how nice it felt, but he did allow himself to open his lips a little and close them around Logan's lower lip, sucking it ever so slightly before releasing it and backing off completely. Taking a shuddering breath, Carlos pushed himself to his feet, swaying when he got hit with a little bit of head rush. He steadied himself quickly and looked down at Logan, who was staring up at him in shock.

"I… uh… I didn't mean you had to…"

Carlos swallowed thickly. "Um, yeah. See? So, uh, you're not a loser, okay? And you _are_ cool enough to… to kiss."

"Oh. Um, thanks. It… really means a lot that you don't think I'm a loser," Logan admitted feebly, looking down at his lap.

"I mean it," Carlos said clearly, not under the impression that Logan believed him. "You're not a loser, Logan. If anyone…" He trailed off a little before clearing his throat and starting again. "If anyone in our band is a loser, it's me."

Logan's head shot up, mouth open. "Carlos-"

"Logan, you're practically a _genius_. Everyone always wants to be your partner in school. And you've _had_ girlfriends before." He frowned when Logan stared at him. "Okay, maybe only, like, two, but still! And you're a better singer than me. And you're better at dancing, too. You pick up moves faster than I do," Carlos continued, not really realizing that it had become a list of how Logan was better than him. "And your teeth are nicer than mine, and you always get more hot fans than me! And you look so much better in every picture on the Cargan website than me!" he blurted, so intent on pointing out Logan's lack of flaws that he wasn't able to stop his slip.

Logan gawked at him. After an awkward moment, he slowly stood from the toilet seat, walking over to where Carlos was staring at him curiously, still not understanding what he said wrong. "Carlos, how do you know what pictures are on the Cargan website?" Logan asked slowly, although he already knew _how_. What he really wanted to know was _why_, but things like this took a few steps with Carlos.

The shorter boy's eyes widened frantically, darting from side to side. "I, uh, I don't! I just _heard_- I mean, I didn't mean! I didn't mean that website! I meant, um, _another_, uh…" he glanced up nervously, knowing Logan didn't believe him.

"You've looked up Cargan before, haven't you?" Logan asked softly, watching Carlos back up into the wall behind him, looking like a trapped animal. Carlos closed his eyes, nodding. "Why?"

"B-because one time, when I was in a CD store with James, we went to go spy on the section where our CD is, to see if anyone was buying it. A-and when we got there, um, there were these two girls holding one of our CD's and talking, right? And James kind of got distracted by one of those round mirrors they have in the corners of stores so employees can see thieves, right? So I was the only one who heard the girls. And they were talking about Cargan, and… um…"

"What?" Logan prodded after a moment of silence. Carlos closed his eyes and shook his head. "Come on, Carlos, what did they say?"

"Th… they kept saying how it was so obvious how… how I was gay and in love with you," he replied, starting off in a normal tone but ending in a squeaky whisper.

Logan's tongue felt numb inside of his mouth. "Um. Well. Are you?"

"No!" Carlos immediately replied, and Logan couldn't pinpoint why that hurt. "I mean, no. I think. I don't know!" he cried, anxiously tugging at the hem of his t-shirt. "After I heard what they said, I went home and looked Cargan up! And when I saw that site, I was really, really weirded out. But then I forgot about it, until today, when that girl… Logan, the picture on her shirt… I mean, I know I should have thought it was gross, but it… it kind of looked _nice_."

Logan paused. "You thought it looked nice for us to kiss?"

"No! Yes! I don't know! But then I kissed you just now and I have _no_ idea how I feel and _oh god what if our whole band turns gay_?"

"Carlos, people can't _turn_ gay-"

"You mean I already like you?"

Logan blinked at him. "I don't know. Do you?"

"No!" A pause. "Yes?" Carlos sank down against the wall, collapsing into a heap on the floor. "I like you," he finally decided, although he didn't particularly sound enthusiastic.

Logan took a few deep breaths before crouching down in front of his friend, reaching over to muss up his hair a little. Carlos peeked up at the touch, eyes squinting fearfully. Logan nibbled at his lower lip, a little nervous, but smoothed his hand from Carlos's hair, down his face, and to his chin, tilting it upwards. "That picture _did_ look pretty nice," he said simply, waiting for Carlos's smile- which came in part a few seconds later- before leaning forward and pressing their mouths together. And even though his legs were getting pins and needles and the bathroom floor really wasn't the loveliest place to kiss, Logan pressed forward and tilted his head a little, enjoying every second of it that he could until one of them woke the hell up and realized how messed up this was.

* * *

><p>Kendall was still lounging tiredly on the couch ten minutes later, head throbbing from the mess he was in.<p>

Okay, so James liked him.

James was a good-looking, fun guy who meant a lot to Kendall, considering they were band mates and best friends.

Here was the problem: Kendall wasn't gay. He was in no way attracted to men. The thought of having sex involving another guy's junk grossed him out. How would that even _work_? It'd be like having two keys and no lock. He didn't even want to think about it.

So logically, he had to go and tell James that he's flattered, but just isn't interested in men. I mean, it's not like he's run out of female options and has to consider switching to men. And so Kendall had to go and reject James.

But that was the thing. Could he really reject his best friend, the boy who he gave everything up for? What if it ruined their friendship? Even if he tried to pull that whole 'oh let's just stay friends' deal, he wasn't a moron. Friendships never lasted after one person rejected another.

This was the dilemma that was currently making his brain hurt, and he was seriously considering just laying there and inhabiting the couch for the rest of his life. If James or anyone else came to ask him questions, he could just fake sleep. Not a bad idea.

But Kendall sort of sucked at lying around and doing nothing, so with an aggravated groan he sat up, shook out his hair, and pushed himself to his feet. He'd have to go deal with James now, while he still was fuzzyheaded, before his nerves kicked in and he panicked.

He made his way to Carlos and James's room, and only hesitated for a moment before tapping on the door with his index finger. As he expected, no one answered. He tried the doorknob, but he already knew it was locked. Sure enough, it only twisted halfway and did nothing to open the door.

"James? Let me in. I gotta talk to you," he said quietly into the wood. He heard a muffled sob, one that sounded way too close in proximity for James to be on his bed. He heard something shift against the door slightly, and realized with a start that James was sitting against the door on the other side. Probably to keep Kendall out even if the blonde retrieved the spare key, he figured. Kendall crouched down so he was level with where he assumed James was. "Jamie, please open the door. I really don't want to have to talk through wood." Although, considering what he had come to say, that didn't sound too horrible.

"Please go away," a quiet voice begged, and Kendall's heart positively shattered at how broken it sounded. Realization hit Kendall like ten tons of bricks, and he suddenly felt nauseous.

He couldn't break James's heart.

"James, we can't just leave things like this," he said weakly, but all he wanted to do was turn and dash into his own room and hide in his blanket. He couldn't do this. _He couldn't do this_. "I, um…"

"I know what you're gonna say, so please just _go_." Kendall closed his eyes, swallowing thickly. He absolutely could not do this. It hurt him enough when other people broke James's heart. He would never tolerate being the one to do it. So what the hell was he supposed to do? Lead James on like a tool? He could see it now. 'Oh, yeah, we can try this and stuff, but I never want to have sex with you, or kiss you, or do anything really gay with you, so can we pretty much just be friends and _say_ we're in a relationship?' That would go over well.

There really were only the three options: One, reject James. Two, tell James that he was totally willing to try it, but wind up breaking his heart later because they were just trying it out and Kendall wanted to back out of the deal.

Or three… date James for real, and promise the boy everything he could give him, and slowly work on Kendall's lack of interest in men together.

That sort of totally sounded like it would fail, though. Kendall knew people didn't just magically become bisexual. Either they were attracted to the opposite sex to some degree, or they had no interest. The latter most accurately applied to Kendall, and it would take some serious hypnotism and psychology to change that.

So he had to let James down.

But he _couldn't_.

Apparently, he had been sitting there with his eyes closed and thinking about everything for quite a while, because when he peeked open his eyes randomly mid-thought, the door was open. James was staring down at him in confusion, and Kendall realized that the taller boy had been waiting for rejection for a few minutes. Slowly, Kendall straightened his legs and stood to his full height. His throat squeezed sharply when he saw James's face; the pretty boy's eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks were fuchsia with visible tear streaks decorating each one. He was currently biting his lower lip roughly, like he was trying very hard not to cry. Kendall exhaled slowly, having absolutely no idea what to say.

"This is the part where you're supposed to turn me down," James muttered shakily, voice slightly high-pitched from his earlier crying. Kendall winced at how serious the brunette was. He desperately wanted to look at his shoes so his mind might clear a little, but he couldn't look away from the hazel eyes boring into his so sadly.

"I… yeah," he finally managed, and James immediately broke down. His shoulders crumpled and heavy sobs racked his slim frame, cheeks turning redder as more tears ran down his perfect face. Kendall immediately felt like throwing up for making his best friend cry like that, but he really had no idea what else to say.

"O-okay," James choked out, gently closing the door between himself and Kendall. The blonde subconsciously realized that there wasn't a click of the lock, but his attention was very much focused on the fact that _he just ruined everything_.

Without thinking anything through, he grabbed the doorknob and swung the door open, almost smacking the brunette standing just behind with it. James's eyes widened, not expecting Kendall to even still be standing there.

"Wait, we can't just- you can't… it can't end like this," Kendall said painfully, clutching the doorknob like his life depended on it. "James…"

"Please don't make this hurt more than it does," James pleaded quietly, wrapping his arms around his stomach. "It would be easier if you just leave me alone, and then I can start getting over you-"

"Wait! What?" Kendall blurted, feeling his body tense up. "You… you'd be able to get over me?" he asked quietly. James shrugged. "But… but I don't want the way you act around me to change!"

"Kendall, it wouldn't change that much-"

"Yes it would! I mean, I probably should've realized that the way you are around me is because you have a crush on me; half of the stuff you do is a lot like what girls do with me."

James's face darkened. "Don't compare me to-"

"But I _like_ the way you are, okay? I like how you get all happy when I put my arm around you for pictures. I like how you have no problem sitting with me on the couch, even though there's like a million other places you could sit, and I like how we end up kind of all tangled up with each other halfway through a movie. I like how you fall asleep on my shoulder or my lap. I like how you steal my shirts even though you don't think they're 'fashionable'. I like how you try to tag along sometimes when I'm going somewhere, even if it's someplace stupid like the food store. I like how you pick fights with me over the dumbest things, and I like how you let me win sometimes. I like how you spend hours on your hair and clothes, even if it's just you and me hanging out. I love how you spend hours on your hair and clothes _especially _if it's just you and me."

"Kendall…"

"I love how you stand up extra tall when you're next to me, just so you can look down at me an inch. I love how you still come to me to talk about your nightmares, even though Logan could probably give you a better explanation for them. I love how you come to me for fun ideas, even though Carlos's plans always sound more exciting. I love how you put up this ridiculous, conceited front, even around me, even though I know better than anyone that you're really just this self-conscious guy who doesn't feel beautiful without hours of help."

"Stop."

Kendall took a step closer to James, finally releasing the doorknob. The brunette before him looked absolutely terrified. Kendall internally smiled. He finally knew what to say. Well, not quite, but he sort of just let his real thoughts- the ones wedged _way_ back there- pour out, uncensored and not thought through before released. But this was what had to be said, and what James needed to hear. Hell, it was what _Kendall_ needed to hear.

"I love how you are this fashion-forward diva who gets pissed off whenever someone tells you that you're girly or asks if you're gay." James frowned. "I love how you act cold to others, like you own the world, but then when it counts, you're the most thoughtful person I know." Kendall took another step forward. James, this time, took a step back. "I love how you pretend to be terrified of stupid stuff, like having your comb broken or Cuda going out of business. "James gasped a little too loudly. "But I love how what you're really afraid of, what _really_ scares you, is having your dream taken away." James looked away, taking another step back. "I love how you try not to stare at me a lot, but you do anyway." Another step forward, another step back. "I love how Carlos and Logan could be off killing each other right now, but the only thing you can think about is you and me." Kendall took three steps this time, taking James by surprise and trapping the other boy between himself and James's bed.

"K-Kendall, please-"

"I love how whenever you fall asleep, you whisper my name, like all you ever dream about is me."

"I don't…"

"I love how I have no idea how to feel about any of this, because I have no attraction to men."

"Then leave."

"But I love how I think I just love you, even though you're a guy." James said nothing this time, just stared at him with wide eyes. "Do you think that's possible? To love someone, even though you feel no sexual attraction to their gender?"

"I- I… yeah," James finally said breathlessly. "That's… that explains everything I feel about you."

"Yeah," Kendall agreed mindlessly. He took one more step- the final step, as it was, because now their knees, thighs, and stomachs were brushing- and lightly gripped James's wrists. "So, I think we could, maybe, do this? But… we'll work on the whole… 'I have boy parts, you have boy parts, how the hell does this work' deal later?"

"Y-yeah, of course-" James was cut off when Kendall crushed their mouths together. He didn't mind kissing too much; if James shaved regularly (which he did, because scruff on his face was _not chic_), it sort of felt like kissing a girl. In fact, Kendall figured, even if James let a little bit of his five-o-clock shadow linger, it still wouldn't feel _disgustingly_ different. He could, with training, get used to this.

Sex was a whole different deal, of course, and Kendall still was completely freaked out by the idea of another guy's… _equipment_… anywhere near his. Even if it was attached to James. Just. Ew.

But, maybe, if they eased into it slowly enough, he could get used to it? Probably? Maybe? Was that even possible?

Whatever, they could just stick to kissing for the rest of their lives, for all he cared. He loved _James_, the personality, not James the body. Although, he had to admit, James 'the face' wasn't too bad, considering how girly that part of him was. He was _kinda_ pretty. For a guy. He guessed.

James finally pulled away after a few minutes, eyes still watery and cheeks still flushed. "You're not going to freak out now, are you?" he asked fearfully, eyes darting all over Kendall's face. The blonde shook his head.

"No, I think I'm good. I just… we'll take this really, _really_, unbelievably slow, right? Because no offence, but I'm just not… I don't like… I think I'd get freaked out by another guy's parts."

"Oh, yeah, definitely," James answered eagerly. "I do, too, so don't worry about it. Well, I'm not really _freaked out_, b-but I… god, I'm like a preteen who likes to _think_ about sex, but is nowhere in hell near ready to even hit first base," he muttered, voice still trembling slightly. Kendall laughed a little, giving James's wrists a gentle squeeze.

"Um, not that this isn't great and all, but I was sort of serious about how Logan and Carlos might be killing each other or something. We should _probably_ go check on them," Kendall said seriously. James nodded, wiggling one wrist away from Kendall's grip so he could wipe at his eyes.

"Where are they?"

"Uh… well after your little breakdown earlier… um, the first one… they kind of ran off and I think Logan dragged Carlos to the bathroom."

James paused in swatting away his drying tears, raising an eyebrow. "You mean they've been in the bathroom together this whole time?" he asked suspiciously. Kendall rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure they're not doing anything weird," he replied, letting go of James's other wrist and instead turning, reaching down to grab the brunette's hand and weave their fingers together. "Come on, I'll bet they're arguing or something." He let James wipe at his eyes for another few seconds before leading them out of the room, down the hall, and over to the closed bathroom door, not even bothering to knock before opening it.

Which, as it turns out, was really stupid.

"I knew it," James whispered, staring at the sight before him in shock.

Logan and Carlos were a heap on the floor. Logan had Carlos's wrists pinned to the wall behind him, and Carlos had his knees hooked over Logan's hips lightly. They had, before Kendall barged in, been making out intensely, but were now both staring up at their other friends, mouths torn apart and hanging open slightly.

"S-sorry," Kendall said quickly, letting James tug him out of the bathroom and closing the door behind them. James pulled him all the way out to the living room, where they sat on the couch they had occupied much earlier, before this whole _thing_ occurred.

Neither Kendall nor James said anything for a few minutes. They just sort of slumped on the couch, staring straight ahead and tangled hands resting between them. A soft click and footsteps let them know that their two friends had decided to end their session after the interruption, and within seconds, the two shorter boys of the group were standing in front of them, looking guilty and both wearing matching blushes.

"Um," Logan began lamely, gripping the sides of his skinny jeans nervously. Carlos, who had been gutsy enough to glance up at James and Kendall, had noticed the two were holding hands. He quickly reached over and slid his own hand into Logan's, nodding towards the two on the couch at the paler boy's surprised glance.

"So we're kind of… um… yeah," Carlos said eventually, staring at the other two. He seriously doubted that there would be any protest to what he and Logan had (whatever _that_ was, exactly) if the handholding the other two were doing meant what he thought.

"Yeah," Kendall piped up, raising his and James's connected hands and wiggling them a little. "Us, too."

"Wow," Logan said intelligently, earning a grin from the slightly shorter boy attached to his hand.

Carlos and Logan eventually seated themselves on the floor in front of the couch, and for a moment, things felt weird because this is _exactly_ how they were seated before everything else happened. Except, of course, they weren't previously holding hands with their respective new interests.

"This is really weird," James stated loudly, breaking the annoying silence. "I mean, did we seriously all just get together because we had psycho fans who are obsessed with the idea of us being gay?"

"I thought you liked me before that," Kendall said, shooting James an accusatory look. James flushed.

"Well, yeah, but none of today would've happened if those girls didn't bring up all that Kames and Cargan crap."

There was a brief silence. "Holy crap; Kames and Cargan are _real_," Carlos moaned, flopping sideways onto Logan. "This can _never_ get out, or we'll have _thousands_ of those girls hounding us."

"So we're just gonna pretend that we're all not… whatever?" James asked, a little put off. He didn't expect him and Kendall to have, like, a public statement where they came out, or anything, but he didn't really like the idea of having to completely hide, either.

"Unless you want crazies like _that_ to come and ask us for pictures," Logan insisted. "Today a girl asked for me to kiss Carlos's forehead. Next, they'll be asking for pictures of us… doing… _stuff_."

James made a face. "Ew."

"Thank you, James," Logan said flatly. James grinned at him, and Logan's fake pout vanished, replaced by a bright smile.

The four sat in peaceful silence for a while, until Carlos suddenly snorted, bursting into giggles. Logan looked down at the boy resting against his side, raising an eyebrow. "What?"

"I was just thinking," Carlos breathed, laughter gradually dying off, "that we are officially _the_ gayest band ever."


End file.
